i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
