everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
