are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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