Welp...herpes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
