is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
