Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
