Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
