Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
