when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
