He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
