I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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