Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
