So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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