it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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