Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
