i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
