i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
