He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
