apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am available for nakedness
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
