We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
