get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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