I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
