i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
