Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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