Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
