would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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