We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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