good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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