dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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