wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
