you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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