If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
