i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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