Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
