Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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