That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had to cum in my sink.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
