walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
People with herpes should wear stickers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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