i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
