Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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