That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In America we eat man semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
