im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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