So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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