what day is it and did you see me today?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
