You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
