Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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