He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
