New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
