I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
