I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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