i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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