once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
