I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
