He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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